Selling a house with doggies

We’re trying to sell our house. Did I share that with you? It’s been crazy here, so I might have completely dropped the ball on that. Ahem! News! We’re trying to sell our house. Now, most people try to sell and then buy a new house. Not us. We went looking and found a house we liked and suddenly, wanted to sell our house.

Of course, the problem with our approach is that now we’re desperate to sell. Desperate because if we don’t sell, we lose the house we want.

In order to sell, we have to clean, clean and then clean again, we have to get rid of those quirky things we thought we’d use and haven’t and we have to fix everything that might be wrong with it.

This means we’ve hired a contractor to put a new shower in a bathroom, we’re painting floors and giving things away to anyone who so much as approaches the house.

As a child, moving meant new friends who didn’t know I was a complete geek. It meant we could eat out more. And it meant sneaking forbidden toys into moving boxes.

Now, I have explained we’re moving to our doggies, who seem completely relaxed with the entire idea. In fact, they seem a little too relaxed.

I might have to keep a closer eyes on our boxes.

#WeekendCoffeeShare: In which I whine. A lot.

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If we were having coffee, I’d share that we’re still selling our house and then roll my eyes. We’ve been trying to sell our home since June of last year and it feels even longer than that. Worse, if possible, a prolific family of mice have moved into our attic and, after chewing through some insulation, have decided to multiply.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that I’m sick. I have some version of the cold that makes me sound like a duck. I’d also tell you that my hubby is also sick and was up all night with the stomach flu. Since he’s not exactly diminutive, every time he came back to bed, I bounced like a cork at sea. So neither of us slept a wink last night. The ones who did sleep are our fluff-balls of dogs who’ve woken up, healthy as horses and with more energy than usual. They’re not sick. Neither are the mice. They’re incredibly healthy.

I’d probably ask for another cup of coffee, since they can’t pump the stuff directly into my vein through an IV and that’s what I need this morning.

And I’d ask you how you were doing. Tell me you’re not sick? Or join the germ-infested.

 

5 Things to avoid when you’re selling your house

Ask a realtor professional why your house hasn’t sold and they’ll blame it on everything from fluctuating markets to nose hairs. If you give them coffee and make them comfortable, they’ll explain conflicting theories about the house market until the Butterfly Effect seems easy in comparison. Untrained and inexperienced, I have a much shorter check list to help you sell your home in a snap.

5. Don’t over-clean. Over-cleaning is a made-up word I’ve come up with to describe the frenzied, possessed-like behaviour I exhibited while trying to sell our house. Having declared war on dirt, I inspected every inch of space for dust with a magnifying glass as if the Marine Core Inspector was coming instead of potential buyers. Forget dusting and cleaning the floors, my new routine included such insane activities as scrubbing the grout between the floor tiles with a toothbrush.

How did it work? Not only did it not sell the house, viewers claimed our home smelled like dog.

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4. Don’t schedule a viewing for Saturday at 8 am. No matter how reasonable that time slot sounded to me on Monday afternoon, Saturday morning I was cursing the sky pink and blue. To help things along, my dogs had a fight in the kitchen that dirtied most of the area and my hubby woke up sick. How did it work? Disaster doesn’t even cover it.

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3. Don’t listen to comments from buyers who didn’t buy your house. Hearing that our house smelled of dog might have done something to my brain because I went into scent-overdrive. Never mind that it was November and snowing, I opened up every window and ventilated the entire house. I cleaned every floor twice, then the walls and added air-freshers to every plug I could find, then every corner of each room. Not to miss a single cubic millimetre of air, I also bought Febreeze sprayers and emptied two of the things in our house for each viewing.

How did it work? It got so the dogs didn’t want to come inside.

2. Don’t hire a professional decorator. Fearing our decor might be discouraging buyers, we hired one. Ours was named Pauline and her outfit alone should have been a warning sign. The woman had managed to colour coordinate her clothes not only to her earrings and her nails but also to her car. Pauline took one look at our living room, raised very thin eyebrows and told us we needed new furniture…and towels, blankets and accessories. When she told me our dogs were a problem, I opened the backdoor and let the wet hounds jump all over her dry-cleaned suit.

How did it work? Check out number one for more insight.

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1. Don’t try to understand paint colour names.  Following Pauline’s advice, we tried to repaint our house a neutral beige and found ourselves at the paint store staring at paint chips. Turns out, paint doesn’t have normal names like red or orange. What you get is strange things like ‘Happy Clown’, ‘Mermaid Dream’ and ‘Flamingo Sneeze’. After half an hour of eye-straining over shades of beige until even my hubby started to look that shade, I grabbed a paint chip and ran from the store.

How did it work? The chip I got was called something like ‘Crazy Monkey’ and apparently it was the wrong shade because it almost made Pauline faint when she saw it on our walls.

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