I’m such a home body. It’s something that’s never been as clear to me as during this one day away from home. I missed my home terribly. I missed my dogs, my hubby and the lovely conveniences of having TV, internet and a phone.
This retreat was like entering a different time period. The entire building was massive, set in a place among 150 acres of forest with lakes and trails that were beautiful if you’re a squirrel and want to leg it.
The place was as quiet as a tomb and incredibly laberinth-like. There were stairs and twisted corridors everywhere. No matter which you took, it turned and ended up in a different area of the building. I got lost more times than I can count.
The rooms were microscopic…and filled with dead flies. The staff was just as minuscule consisting only of about 4 people. They did everything from cooking to welcoming us to telling us the rules of the place. No outside shoes. Everyone had to go around in slippers.
The food was great…except for the coffee cups. They were the size of thimbles and I just about had it. In an act of unparalleled rebellion, I seized one of their cereal bowls and used it for coffee. People stared…but I couldn’t have cared less. In the mornings, I need coffee.
We did a lot of ‘circles’ where we sat and listened to our ‘leaders’ tell us how to work better. I tried to be a good listener and appreciate what they were saying but it was hard and, with each passing hour, it got harder. By the second day, I wasn’t the only one dissociating. I counted 7 heads nodding while the last speaker rambled on.
The group leader only had to say that it was time to go before I was gone. I was the first out of the building and the first car out of the lot. I came home relishing loud music on the radio, shouting it out as I drove.
My doggies were thrilled to see me and my hubby even had flowers waiting.
What have I missed? What are you guys up to?
10. Dog size doesn’t matter, they will rule the home. One look at those sad eyes and you’ll be toast.
9. There are many types of aides to stop a dog from pulling when they walk on a leash. Unless you get a stuffed dog, you’ll get to know them all. By name.
8. Fences are not fail-proof. Dogs can dig or climb their way out of that safe environment you’ve carefully created for them. Mine climbed their 5-foot fence like a possessed squirrel on steroids.
7. If you don’t have a vet…you will. We know ours by first name.
6. Guard dogs will ‘protect’ you from intruders… and from the post delivery person and from an elderly lady who’s walking by on her walker and from a snowflake and…
5. Dogs snore. They also burp and do other things that are disturbingly human. This is particularly true if you have company.
4. Not all dogs chew shoes. Ours love plants. Especially those accessible on the ground. Don’t get me started on Christmas trees–Lobo peed on ours.
3. Dog drool is an incredible substance. Wet, it has the lubricating power of grease. Dry, it will adhere to any surface better than Crazy Glue. And yes, it can and will go on walls. When we owned bullmastifs, we saw some on the ceiling.
2. Keeping a dog clean is an exercise in futility. Aim for semi-clean and embrace acceptance.
1. Doesn’t matter what type of amazing, holistic, nutritious dog food you give your dog, they’ll want what you’re eating.
For all the trouble they cause, there’s nothing that will bring on a smile quicker than one look at those loving brown eyes.