Guide to buying a house

We’ve been looking for a home. We’ve read adds, checked out photographs and gone to see all kinds of houses. Big or little, they all had one thing in common. Reality and the adds were two different things.

For those out there trying to find a dwelling, I thought I’d provide a handy reference chart to decode what those tempting adds actually mean.

Add: “Quaint home.”

Reality: “Smaller than an outhouse. Possibly even smells worse.”

Tiny_house,_Portland

 

Add: “View of lake”

Reality: “If you’re a contortionist with binoculars, you might get to see the water.”

 

Add: “Custom made.”

Reality: “No right angles anywhere.”

391656_e8fd2957

Add: “Motivated seller.”

Reality: “Owner wants to leave because of the murder that took place across the street and the brothel next door.”

 

Add: “Private.”

Reality: “Situated next to Alcatraz.”

Alcatraz_Island_photo_D_Ramey_Logan

 

Add: “Renovated from top to bottom.”

Reality: “Someone painted it. Once.”

 

Add: “Has personality.”

Reality: “It’s so small, originally it was a parking spot and never intended to be a dwelling.”

SkinnyHouseBoston2

 

 

Add: “Potential investment for growth.”

Reality: “Mike Holmes couldn’t fix it.”

house-falling-down

 

Add: “Has personality.”

Reality: “Too ugly for words.”

2009-0627-SpadenaWitch-house

Add: “As is.”

Reality: “Not even carpenter ants live in there.”

My hope is that with this handy reference guide, you’ll be able to find your forever home. If not, you can always move to Canada. We live in igloos.