A sad goodbye

We lost our beautiful bullmastiff today. He was gentle and big and smelly and wonderful and I miss him so much it hurts like crazy. We still have our silly, scattered-brained akita, Ocean who seems determined to help us grieve by getting underfoot as often as possible and destroying things to remind us she’s there. She’s laying in the hallway right now trying to look innocent while plotting her next move.

But our home will not be the same now.

I know he was only a dog and I know it was time to let him go. I just wish I could have had him with me longer. He was so big people would stare when he was in the car and so gentle, kids with special needs could play with him without fear. But he got sick and then sicker. I know he was in pain those last few days and I know letting him go was the right thing to do. It still hurts.

I hope he knew just how much I loved him. So very, very much.

He drooled everywhere, and he had wrinkles that were infected every other day and ears that were a mess and he smelled and farted…and, in spite of it all, I loved him something fierce.

I was told by family members to put him down and they shook their head when they saw the drool marks on our walls. They didn’t get what I saw in him.

I know some of you understand what it’s like. Some pets are special and can hold our heart in a very special way. I had that with my beautiful bullmastiff, Lobo.

This is him, sleeping last Christmas the way he preferred, upside down.