Is that a scarf in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

I’m not a clothing diva. In fact, I have trouble matching items. I can get myself dressed but coordinating the outfit with layers, style and accessories is out of the question. I try, but most of the times, my attempts are dismal failures.

Not too long ago, my sister, who is an enthusiastic clothes diva, sent me a clothing accessory through the mail as a present. I opened up the package and found yards of pink silk. A scarf. She really should have known better. Instead of delight, I felt instant panic. How does one wear a scarf? Is there a folding pattern? How many loops are right? Does it fall down over the stomach or is that gauche? Determined to wear her gift, I got dressed, tried to match my clothes to the scarf and wrapped the thing around my neck.

I was in trouble almost instantly. The scarf was a massive thing, swallowing my face up to my eyebrows, allowing only a few hairs peep out on top. It didn’t sit right and looked more like an overgrown pink snake trying to eat me than any article of clothing. Still, determination being my motto for the day, I knotted part of it to keep it from dragging on the ground and went to work.

It was a disaster.

Don’t let the softness of silk fool you, the scarf and I were in battle from the very beginning and, by the end of the day, it was clear the scarf was winning. It kept uncoiling and looping down to the floor, it got caught on things–almost strangling me at one point–and even slid onto the photocopier. People had to duck as I passed less my accessory fall on them.

At the end of the day, back home, the scarf and I eyed each other wearily. Her many wrinkles attested that she had not come out unscathed out of the battle, but I was pretty certain she had won the upper hand. I wasn’t wearing that thing again.

I was writing to explain that fact to my sister when I saw she had emailed. “How do you like the table runner?” she asked.



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